7 November 2012

Are you a REAL Wargamer?

Are you a proper Wargamer?

Original and responses on The Wargaming Site

The viral post from Phil B on The Wargaming Site (New Zealandised/Australised)

Are you a proper Wargamer?

One does not simply claim to be a wargamer by having a couple of games of 40k.  No, no,no.  There are many steps you must go through before calling yourself a true Wargamer.

To genuinely call yourself a Wargamer, then you must have done most or all of the following;

* Spent at least $750 on figures / tanks - and you get extra kudos for every $750 you've spent

* Pricked your finger or thumb on a pike block or spear horde

* Tried at least 10 different rule sets and vowed never to play half of them ever again

* Bought and played 3 or more editions of your current gaming system,
* Bought an army off EBay/Trade Me

* Sold an army on EBay/Trade Me

* spent months painting an army - then used it in anger once

* tried several different periods and genres

* dropped a box of figures on the floor from a great height

* lost a battle on the last throw of the dice

* made at least one enemy for life

* had a proper, stand up argument over a wargamer's table

* thrown a dice across a room

* rebased an army for a different rule set

* inflicted a whopping defeat on an opponent

* suffered an embarrassing defeat due to a stupid tactical decision

* joined a wargamers club

* bought a ton of lead/plastic that remains unpainted

* been to a wargamers show

* have more dice than is logical or necessary to own - and have used most of them

* have taken boxes of troops down to a club just to show them off to your mates

* own reference books for periods you don't even intend to collect an army for?

*you have reference books on each period / army you play

* Having played so many different games you confidently quote rules for a totally different period, scale or
   ruleset  edition to the one you're playing at that moment

* You have lied to your partner / spouse about how much you've spent on the hobby
(When my wife saw my painting table, I told her that Vallejo paints are only $2 each - I'm going to Hell...).

* You get genuinely excited when a package arrives in the post - then hide it upstairs quickly before your partner sees it.  If your partner finds it first, you lie about the contents.You sneak it into the lead pile while she's not looking...

* You have joined a re-enactment society (5 points for this one!)

* You have played in an unsuitable venue

* You continue to search for the perfect Napoleonic / WW2 / Ancients / ACW etc. rule set (knowing that it doesn't actually exist).

* For that reason you have developed your own house rules for certain periods.  And think them far superior to the original author's efforts.

* You have returned from a wargames show or shop and sneaked upstairs to hide the stash.

* You have made your own wargames scenery.

* You have reached a painting 'wall'

* You have lost - and regained - your wargaming mojo.

* You have the occasional (and short lived) sense of guilt with your wife/children when complaining to them about the money spent in clothes, shoes or toys/Xbox games when you have $500 of unpainted metal stuffed in an upstairs drawer.

* You have done armies in different scales for the same period (e.g. ACW in 28mm, 15mm and 6mm).

* You have jealously coveted someone else's troops

* You have laughed (secretly or otherwise) as someone else's paint job

* You have provided a piece of useless trivia relating to the troops on the table to show off your wargaming knowledge.

* You have contradicted someone elses' trivia - demonstrating your superior knowledge and giving you a warm glow inside.

* You have caused a major disaster on a wargames table (spilling a pint, collapsing the table, dropped someone else's figures or your prize figure on the floor).

* You have cheered when an opponent's dice lets them down at a critical point

* You have lied to your partner about going gaming or how long its going to take

* You have lied to an attractive woman (man) about your hobby.

* You have made an opponent cry.  It doesn't count if they are under 8 years old though.

* You have painted the same army in the same scale more than once

* You have reference books on armies you haven't even got

* You have bought figures for a period you have never and will never play - because they were cheap.

* You have inflicted grevious bodily harm on a dice that has let you down.  This includes the guy who used to drill holes in them and impale the offenders on cocktail-stick stakes and Big Lee taking an axe to one offender.

* You blog or have a web-page about your Wargaming activities

* Your book collection is almost all war and wargames related

* You critique 'war' movies (especially Hollywood war movies) for historical accuracy (like the use of American tanks - Pershings I think - to represent German Panzers in the 'Battle of the Bulge'.)

* You spend car / train journeys checking out the lie of the land - considering which way you would attack from and whether it would make good wargaming terrain.

Any more ?

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